148. He Chose You… in Secret: What It Really Means When a Married Man Pursues You

When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But what if that spark isn’t about love, but escape?

In this episode, Luke Shillings speaks directly to the women caught in the shadow of secrecy and fantasy bonds, and to the men who pursue them.

Is it real love, or emotional outsourcing? Together, we unpack the truth behind the pursuit, the pain of being the “exception,” and the cost of ignoring your gut. If you’ve ever found yourself waiting in the wings for someone who says they’ll choose you “someday,” this is your invitation to pause, reflect, and reclaim your worth.

Key Takeaways

• Being pursued isn't the same as being chosen, and being chosen isn’t the same as being claimed.
• You may be fulfilling a function, not being fully embraced for who you are.
• If he’s still lying to someone else, he’s not choosing you, he’s choosing to avoid himself.
• Emotional fantasy feels like love but often conceals indecision and avoidance.
• Intuition is not insecurity; it’s your inner truth trying to protect you.

Reflect & Share

Have you ever felt emotionally consumed by someone who wasn’t fully available? What was your breaking point, or are you still holding on to hope? Come share your story or reflections with us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke or join the conversation in the After the Affair Facebook community.

Connect with Luke:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity