After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

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Episodes

2 days ago

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelings by breaking them down into manageable parts, as well as the power of focusing on other areas of life to build resilience before facing the tough stuff directly.
I discuss the importance of understanding that healing isn't a one-size-fits-all journey and highlight the value of having a diverse set of strategies at your disposal. Whether you're directly confronting the aftermath of an affair or building up your strength through other facets of your life, this episode offers guidance and support for anyone on the path to recovery.
Join me as we navigate the foggy forest of infidelity recovery, finding clarity and strength in the process. For those walking this difficult path, remember, you're not alone. With time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion, healing and growth are within reach. Tune in to discover how to make your journey through the aftermath of betrayal a little less daunting and a lot more hopeful.Work with me: www.lifecoachluke.com
 
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Wednesday Mar 20, 2024

Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore the tumultuous whirlwind of emotions that follow infidelity, the shared struggles and solidarity found in the company of others on similar paths, and the daunting encounters with personal fears and doubts that challenge the journey toward healing. 
'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home' offers a unique perspective on finding the power within to rebuild trust, love, and peace after betrayal. This episode is crafted for those traversing the difficult terrain of emotional recovery, providing insights into the process of turning pain into strength and reclaiming a sense of self. 
Whether you're seeking solace, understanding, or strategies for healing, this podcast episode is a beacon of hope, demonstrating that, indeed, there's no place like the home we find within ourselves after the storm. Tune in to begin your journey back to self, guided by the wisdom and empathy of those who've walked this path before.Work with me - www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact me - luke@lifecoachluke.com
 

Wednesday Mar 13, 2024

Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode shines a light on the intensified patterns of self-doubt and narrative crafting that emerge when infidelity shatters the relationship, challenging you to reflect on the authenticity of your actions in the quest for healing.
I carefully unpack the complexities of responding to betrayal, highlighting the risk of losing oneself in the desperate attempt to 'fix' the relationship or to become what we perceive as 'enough' to prevent future indiscretions. Through examples, I illustrate how individuals might misinterpret their partner's actions and attribute them to personal flaws, thereby overlooking the multifaceted reasons behind infidelity.
Offering an alternative perspective, I encourage you to differentiate between genuine healing actions and those driven by a need for approval. This episode is a call to embrace our vulnerabilities, confront the reality of our situations, and ultimately, find a path to healing that honours our self-worth and authenticity. Join me in "After the Affair" for an insightful exploration of self-discovery, forgiveness, and the journey towards rebuilding after betrayal.Want to work with me? visit www.lifecoachluke.com
Join the mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

Wednesday Mar 06, 2024

Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy before embarking on new connections, and the importance of self-love and inner peace as the foundation for partnership. Uncover the detrimental effects of labeling in relationships and learn from David's personal journey of breaking societal expectations. Experience a candid discussion on the complexities of infidelity, betrayal, and the transformative power of forgiveness and open communication. David's advice on intimacy in long-term relationships and combating addiction with conversation offers invaluable insights for anyone seeking to improve their love life. Discover how understanding your partner's love language can prevent dissatisfaction and infidelity. Reflect on David's diverse background in sports psychology, mental health, and his struggles that propelled him to success. Draw inspiration from David’s and Luke's exploration of introversion, overstimulation in society, and the impact of extreme media voices on our lives. Don't miss this episode full of strategies for triumphing over adversity, rekindling passion, and embracing honesty in relationships. Visit our website for free resources and special offerings as mentioned by David Essel in this must-listen episode of 'After the Affair'.Learn more about David: www.davidessel.com or find him on Instagram @david_essel
To learn more about working with me, check out www.lifecoachluke.com and be sure to subscribe to the After the Affair mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 
 

Wednesday Feb 28, 2024

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing journey, where we begin to reconstruct our lives and visions for the future.
Step 5: Rebuilding Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. In this step, we delve into the intricate process of rebuilding trust, highlighting strategies for fostering a sense of security and reliability in our relationships and within ourselves.
Step 6: Vision With a foundation of trust in place, we turn our gaze forward, crafting a vision for our lives post-betrayal. This step is about dreaming again, setting goals, and aligning our future with our deepest values and desires.
Step 7: Connection Healing is not a journey to be walked alone. In this step, I emphasise the importance of connection—building and nurturing supportive relationships that uplift and sustain us through our healing process.
Step 8: Celebration Every step forward on this journey is a victory, and in this final step, we learn the importance of celebrating our progress. Recognising and honouring our achievements, no matter how small, fuels our continued growth and resilience.
This episode is not just a continuation but a deepening of your commitment to healing and growth. Whether you're rebuilding a relationship, forging new ones, or discovering a renewed sense of self, these steps offer a guide toward a future filled with hope, purpose, and joy.
If you're ready to take these next steps on your healing journey, join me as we explore the paths of rebuilding, envisioning, connecting, and celebrating the life you deserve.
Work with Luke: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

Wednesday Feb 21, 2024

In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately, empowerment.
Clarity: Uncover the importance of seeing through the fog of emotional turmoil to understand the reality of your situation and what truly matters to you.
Belief: Learn how to rebuild your shattered self-esteem and confidence, affirming your worth and cultivating a belief in a brighter future.
Forgiveness: Explore the complex journey towards forgiving yourself and, potentially, your partner, understanding that forgiveness is a crucial step towards personal peace.
Growth: Discover how the painful experience of infidelity can be a catalyst for significant personal growth, offering insights into yourself and your relationships.
Join me as I not only draw from my professional expertise but also open up about my own journey and the wisdom I've gained along the way. I aim to offer a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone seeking to heal and grow from the pain of betrayal.Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com
Subscribe here: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
 

Wednesday Feb 14, 2024

In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings.
He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding.
With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to misunderstandings in our closest relationships.
Drawing on personal anecdotes and a down-to-earth approach, he challenges listeners to adopt an "empathy-first" mindset, offering practical tips for turning everyday disagreements into opportunities for deeper connection.
Whether you're navigating the complexities of infidelity recovery or simply seeking to strengthen your bonds, this episode is a heartfelt invitation to view conflicts through a new lens.
Join Luke on this journey of healing and discovery, and take the first step towards transforming your relationships one empathetic conversation at a time.
Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Keep up to date: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 
 

Wednesday Feb 07, 2024

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity.
Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward.
We delve into the complexities of betrayal, understanding the identity change experienced and the challenging concepts of desire and attachment in the aftermath of infidelity. 
Whether you're in the midst of navigating your own path to recovery or seeking to support someone who is, this episode offers a beacon of hope and a roadmap for reclaiming one's strength and sense of self.
Learn more about Dorothy:
5 day how to get over your ex training! (Feb 12-15): https://dorothyabjohnson.com/5daylivetraining
Instagram: @breakupcoachdorothyTikTok: Breakup Coach DorothyThe How to Get Over Your Ex podcast: https://dorothyabjohnson.com/howtogetoveryourexpodcast/
Learn more about me:
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
 
 

Wednesday Jan 31, 2024

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity.
Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential component for true reconciliation or if it's possible to find peace and understanding without it.
Join me as we examine the nuances of rebuilding trust, the personal nature of forgiveness, and the various paths to healing and renewal post-betrayal.
Whether you're navigating your own recovery process or supporting someone through theirs, this episode offers valuable perspectives on forgiveness, acceptance, and the transformative power of personal growth.
Tune in to "Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile Without It?" for a deep dive into the heart of recovery and the potential for renewal in the wake of pain. Discover actionable insights and compassionate guidance for anyone seeking clarity and strength on their journey towards healing.
Learn more: www.lifecoachluke.com
Reach out to luke@lifecoachluke.com
Subscribe for more at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

Wednesday Jan 24, 2024

In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships.
Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the principles of physics can shed light on why disagreements often escalate and how understanding this can pave the way for more constructive communication and conflict resolution.
Drawing on my personal experiences and professional insights, I discuss how the 'push and pull' in heated arguments mirrors Newton's famous law, leading to a stalemate rather than progress.
This episode is not just about relationship advice; it's a deep dive into human psychology and behaviour. I also touch upon the idea that relationships are fundamentally about one's thoughts about another person, adding a unique angle to the discussion.
Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity, looking to improve your relationship dynamics, or simply intrigued by the intersection of physics and human relationships, this episode offers valuable perspectives. Join me as I guide you through these complex dynamics with insightful tips, out-of-the-box thinking, and practical advice for healing and personal growth.
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
 

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