After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

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3 days ago

Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal.
In this episode, we explore the challenging yet essential process of self-reflection following an affair. Join me as I guide listeners through a series of insightful discussions and personal stories, focusing on how individuals can learn and grow from their experiences in relationships marked by infidelity.
Discover the importance of self-awareness, communication, and personal growth post-betrayal. Learn how to approach introspection with compassion and how it can lead to profound personal development and stronger future relationships.
Tune in to this compelling episode of 'After the Affair' and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful episodes on navigating the complexities of relationships and personal growth.
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Wednesday Nov 29, 2023

In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal.
Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment.
Join me as I explore the thinking behind why betrayed partners might experience obsessive thoughts like "Why did this happen to me?" or "I am not good enough," and how these thoughts impact the healing process. 
Whether you're struggling to move past the hurt of betrayal or seeking to support someone in their journey, this episode offers a compassionate, in-depth look at the mental aftermath of infidelity.
Gain practical tips and empowering perspectives that can help you navigate through the complexities of rebuilding trust in yourself and envisioning a positive future.
Tune in to "After the Affair" for an episode that promises to be both informative and transformative, shedding light on a crucial aspect of recovery that is often overlooked.
Subscribe today and join us on this journey of healing, understanding, and personal resilience.
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Wednesday Nov 22, 2023

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation.
We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are often skewed. This sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted nature of cheating.
I break down the myth, questioning the fairness and accuracy of labelling someone for life based on one action. What about the psychological underpinnings of infidelity? How do unmet emotional needs, past experiences, and situational factors contribute to the decision to cheat.
Can we turn the narrative on its head, presenting infidelity as an anomaly rather than a norm? 
I invite you to reflect on the nuances of your situation. Is infidelity in your relationship an anomaly or a norm? What does the path to healing and trust rebuilding look like for you? This episode is not just a discussion but an invitation to introspection and understanding the potential for growth in the wake of betrayal.
Join us on 'After the Affair' as we navigate the complexities of infidelity, challenge prevailing myths, and offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to rebuild trust and find healing after heartbreak.
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Wednesday Nov 15, 2023

Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal in a relationship.
Discover the insidious nature of self-gaslighting, where victims of infidelity question their own reality, emotions, and sanity. I'll draw from my personal journey and professional expertise in infidelity recovery, and provide insightful analysis and an empathetic understanding of this psychological predicament.
Key highlights of this episode include:
Defining Self-Gaslighting: Unravel the concept of self-gaslighting and its impact on individuals grappling with the aftermath of betrayal.
Personal Stories: I share my own experiences and those of clients, offering real-life examples of self-gaslighting in action.
Expert Insights: Gain valuable perspectives on recognizing and overcoming this form of self-deception.
Practical Strategies: Learn effective techniques to combat self-gaslighting, rebuild self-trust, and foster emotional healing.
Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance, a relationship enthusiast, or simply interested in human psychology, "The Inner Betrayer: Gaslighting with a Mirror" offers a deep dive into understanding and healing from the internal conflicts post-betrayal. Tune in for an episode filled with compassion, wisdom, and empowering advice to navigate the complexities of infidelity recovery.Not taken the Trust-Score quiz yet? Get you free detailed report today. Find out more here ->
Want to share your story on a future episode? Have some useful insights from your own journey? Are you a professional who can offer an alternative insight? Let me know at

Wednesday Nov 08, 2023

Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored?
In "Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?", Join me as I provide not only a compassionate look into the emotional upheaval following infidelity but also share out-of-the-box examples and practical guidance for those seeking to mend the fractures in their relationships. This second episode focused specifically on Trust, offers a beacon of hope to individuals questioning the possibility of regaining trust and security in their partnerships.
Listeners will be equipped with actionable tools and transformative concepts that aid in self-reflection and trust-building. Whether you are directly affected by betrayal or supporting someone through their journey, this episode serves as a crucial resource for understanding the nuanced healing process and the potential for forging stronger bonds in the wake of adversity.
Tune in to find out how to navigate the nuances of trust after betrayal and learn if there's a light at the end of this tunnel.Looking for the link to the Trust Quiz mentioned in this week's episode - Here it is, enjoy!
Have any questions or suggestions for a future episode? Perhaps you think you would be a great guest ... contact me directly at

Wednesday Nov 01, 2023

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to safeguard your partnership, this episode offers invaluable insights tailored to your emotional makeup. Learn how to navigate recovery based on your attachment style and even how to prevent infidelity through self-awareness and targeted emotional strategies. Tune in for expert advice on creating a more secure, resilient relationship. Don't miss this essential guide to understanding the psychology of infidelity through the lens of attachment theory.
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke
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Wednesday Nov 01, 2023

Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding.
Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal.
Whether you're struggling with the aftermath of an affair or searching for a deeper understanding of the complexities involved, the episodes dig deep into topics like 'The Cheater's Mindset,' 'The Role of Self-Awareness,' and even the controversial question—Can infidelity strengthen a relationship?
From attachment theory to societal pressures, from emotional fallout to empowered healing - each episode is a stepping stone on your journey toward recovery or enlightenment.
Don't miss the deep dives, expert interviews, and invaluable insights that have helped thousands to heal, understand, and thrive.
Subscribe now and hit that notification bell to become a part of this rapidly growing community of survivors, healers, and seekers.
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke

Wednesday Oct 25, 2023

In this episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I sit down with guest Yasmin Majid as she shares her powerful story of love, resilience, and personal growth. Yasmin discusses her experience navigating a multicultural upbringing, her marriage of 23 years, and the unexpected revelations that led to its end. She opens up about the lessons she learned from her divorce, her journey of healing from domestic abuse, and her pursuit of self-improvement. Join Luke and Yasmin as they delve into the importance of unconditional love, understanding, and reframing setbacks as opportunities for personal transformation.Find Yasmin at
Contact her directly: Learn more about working with me at
Learn your Trust score now at

Wednesday Oct 18, 2023

In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' I explore the challenging middle ground of the healing journey - affectionately coined as "Humping After the Affair." Don't let the cheeky title fool you; we're delving deep into that frustrating plateau where you feel stuck between the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future. You've made some progress, but why does it seem like you're just going through the motions? Join me, Luke Shillings as I break down the psychology behind this stagnant phase. I discuss how to avoid the pitfalls of self-judgement, and offer actionable tips for getting your recovery back on track. Whether you're in the middle of your own recovery journey or supporting someone who is, this episode promises valuable insights to help you get over that hump. Tune in and rediscover the momentum you need to move forward.Website:
Get your Trust-score result here -

Wednesday Oct 11, 2023

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I take a look at the societal pressures that shape how we cope, react, and even move forward. While the emotional toll of betrayal is a weighty topic by itself, the expectations from friends, family, and even complete strangers can add an invisible weight that often goes unspoken.
I explore the history of societal norms surrounding betrayal, how media influences our perceptions, and the varying expectations set by gender, culture, and even social media platforms. I also break down the roles of friends and family in shaping the path of recovery, often in ways they might not even realize.
This episode offers a multi-dimensional look at the societal pressures complicating the already intricate process of healing from betrayal. Whether you're a betrayed partner, a wayward spouse, or just someone looking to understand the intricacies of human relationships, this episode provides a fresh perspective you won't want to miss.
 Discover Your Relationship's Trust Type after Betrayal! 
I wanted to share something I've been working on — the "Relationship Trust Type" Quiz. This is a unique tool I’ve designed based on my experience as an infidelity recovery coach to offer some vital insights into the trust dynamics in your relationship, especially as you’re navigating through the aftermath of an affair.
 Why Take The Quiz?
Gain a deeper understanding of the trust you and your partner share.
Identify potential areas for improvement and healing.
Receive tailored advice for your specific trust type, to guide you in your recovery journey.
 How Does It Work?
 Take the Quiz: It takes about 3 minutes! Get Your Trust Type: Learn whether your trust is Conditional, Self-Anchored, Earned, Optimistic, or Distrust. Receive Your Trust Report: Get actionable advice tailored to your results, guiding you on what to focus on to rebuild and strengthen your relationship.
The insights you'll gain from this quiz can act as a foundation for constructive conversations with your partner and could be a step towards rebuilding trust.
 Click Here To Take The Quiz!


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