99. The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship.

This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these wants can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership.

Luke shares practical steps to identify, communicate, and navigate these desires, along with relatable examples to illustrate the concept.

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Key Topics Discussed:

1. Understanding the Want Match Concept:
   • Explanation of the "Want Match" concept.
   • Importance of aligning what one partner wants to give with what the other partner desires to receive.
   • Recognizing that no single person can fulfill all emotional and relational needs.
2. Identifying Your Own Desires:
   • Importance of making a detailed list of your desires in a relationship.
   • Examples of common desires such as emotional support, physical intimacy, and shared activities.
3. Communicating with Your Partner:
   • How to share your desires openly with your partner.
   • Encouraging your partner to do the same for mutual understanding.
4. Assessing the Matches and Discussing Misalignments:
   • Determining which desires align naturally.
   • Examples of matched and mismatched desires in relationships.
   • Discussing areas of misalignment with compassion and understanding.
5. Exploring Willingness to Compromise:
   • Discussing the importance of genuine willingness to compromise.
   • Examples of how partners can compromise to meet each other's needs.
6. Planning for Alternative Fulfillment:
   • Finding ways to fulfill desires that cannot be met within the relationship.
   • Ensuring that external fulfillment respects the boundaries and commitments of the relationship.
7. Regularly Re-evaluating and Focusing on Self-Care:
   • The importance of periodically revisiting the "want match" list.
   • Focusing on self-care and personal growth to reduce dependency on your partner.
8. Embracing Flexibility and Understanding:
   • Recognizing that not all desires will be perfectly met.
   • Balancing personal wants with realistic expectations and mutual respect.

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Listener Takeaways:

• Understand Your Needs: Learn to identify and communicate your own desires in a relationship.
• Foster Open Communication: Encourage open dialogue with your partner about each other's needs and desires.
• Embrace Compromise and Flexibility: Find ways to compromise and respect each other’s differences to create a harmonious connection.

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Reflective Question:

How can you and your partner better communicate and align your desires to create a more fulfilling relationship?

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If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes.

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Connect with Luke Shillings:

• Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
• Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
• Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

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