After the Affair

The ‘After the affair’ podcast with Luke Shillings is here to help you process, decide, and move forward on purpose following infidelity. Let’s explore what’s required to rebuild trust not only in yourself, but also with others. Whether you stay or leave, I can help! and no matter what your story, there will be something here for you.

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Wednesday Dec 20, 2023

"Choice or Obligation: Should I Stay or Leave After the Affair?" explores the heart-wrenching decision-making process in the aftermath of infidelity.
Hosted by relationship coach Luke Shillings, this episode delves deep into the emotional turmoil faced by both betrayed and unfaithful partners.
Are you feeling like every part of you is saying you should leave, yet you feel obligated to stay? You are not alone! Or perhaps you want to stay, but external messages from friends and family leave you feeling like you 'should' leave? 
Featuring real-life stories, the episode provides a nuanced perspective on the complex dynamics of post-affair relationships. Discover psychological insights, practical advice, and strategies for self-care and healing.
Whether you're grappling with the aftermath of an affair or seeking to understand these challenging dynamics, this episode offers guidance, empathy, and a path towards clarity and empowerment.
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Wednesday Dec 13, 2023

We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference.
Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped me in other areas. Drawing from my personal experience, I unravel the complexities of this challenging yet rewarding path.
I share the power of journaling—a tool that not only served as a vessel for my thoughts and emotions but also as a mirror reflecting my inner world. Through journaling, I discovered the intricate connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
I share insights on finding the right resources—a blend of personal support and professional guidance—that can act as beacons of light in our darkest times.
An essential part of this journey is understanding that our thoughts create our feelings. This episode breaks down this concept with simplicity and clarity, providing practical steps to harness this understanding for emotional healing.
I also take you through my process of exploring and accepting emotions, a path that led me to profound self-awareness and growth.
To bring these concepts to life, I include relatable analogies and a personal anecdote, illustrating how the methods I used in recovering from infidelity also empowered me in another significant area of my life.
Join me in this episode of 'After the Affair' as we navigate the path of healing from infidelity, finding strength, and rediscovering ourselves in the process. This episode isn’t just about recovering from betrayal; it's about emerging stronger, more aware, and more connected with our true selves.
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Wednesday Dec 06, 2023

Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal.
In this episode, we explore the challenging yet essential process of self-reflection following an affair. Join me as I guide listeners through a series of insightful discussions and personal stories, focusing on how individuals can learn and grow from their experiences in relationships marked by infidelity.
Discover the importance of self-awareness, communication, and personal growth post-betrayal. Learn how to approach introspection with compassion and how it can lead to profound personal development and stronger future relationships.
Tune in to this compelling episode of 'After the Affair' and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful episodes on navigating the complexities of relationships and personal growth.
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Wednesday Nov 29, 2023

In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal.
Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment.
Join me as I explore the thinking behind why betrayed partners might experience obsessive thoughts like "Why did this happen to me?" or "I am not good enough," and how these thoughts impact the healing process. 
Whether you're struggling to move past the hurt of betrayal or seeking to support someone in their journey, this episode offers a compassionate, in-depth look at the mental aftermath of infidelity.
Gain practical tips and empowering perspectives that can help you navigate through the complexities of rebuilding trust in yourself and envisioning a positive future.
Tune in to "After the Affair" for an episode that promises to be both informative and transformative, shedding light on a crucial aspect of recovery that is often overlooked.
Subscribe today and join us on this journey of healing, understanding, and personal resilience.
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Wednesday Nov 22, 2023

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation.
We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are often skewed. This sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted nature of cheating.
I break down the myth, questioning the fairness and accuracy of labelling someone for life based on one action. What about the psychological underpinnings of infidelity? How do unmet emotional needs, past experiences, and situational factors contribute to the decision to cheat.
Can we turn the narrative on its head, presenting infidelity as an anomaly rather than a norm? 
I invite you to reflect on the nuances of your situation. Is infidelity in your relationship an anomaly or a norm? What does the path to healing and trust rebuilding look like for you? This episode is not just a discussion but an invitation to introspection and understanding the potential for growth in the wake of betrayal.
Join us on 'After the Affair' as we navigate the complexities of infidelity, challenge prevailing myths, and offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to rebuild trust and find healing after heartbreak.
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Wednesday Nov 15, 2023

Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal in a relationship.
Discover the insidious nature of self-gaslighting, where victims of infidelity question their own reality, emotions, and sanity. I'll draw from my personal journey and professional expertise in infidelity recovery, and provide insightful analysis and an empathetic understanding of this psychological predicament.
Key highlights of this episode include:
Defining Self-Gaslighting: Unravel the concept of self-gaslighting and its impact on individuals grappling with the aftermath of betrayal.
Personal Stories: I share my own experiences and those of clients, offering real-life examples of self-gaslighting in action.
Expert Insights: Gain valuable perspectives on recognizing and overcoming this form of self-deception.
Practical Strategies: Learn effective techniques to combat self-gaslighting, rebuild self-trust, and foster emotional healing.
Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance, a relationship enthusiast, or simply interested in human psychology, "The Inner Betrayer: Gaslighting with a Mirror" offers a deep dive into understanding and healing from the internal conflicts post-betrayal. Tune in for an episode filled with compassion, wisdom, and empowering advice to navigate the complexities of infidelity recovery.Not taken the Trust-Score quiz yet? Get you free detailed report today. Find out more here ->
Want to share your story on a future episode? Have some useful insights from your own journey? Are you a professional who can offer an alternative insight? Let me know at

Wednesday Nov 08, 2023

Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored?
In "Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?", Join me as I provide not only a compassionate look into the emotional upheaval following infidelity but also share out-of-the-box examples and practical guidance for those seeking to mend the fractures in their relationships. This second episode focused specifically on Trust, offers a beacon of hope to individuals questioning the possibility of regaining trust and security in their partnerships.
Listeners will be equipped with actionable tools and transformative concepts that aid in self-reflection and trust-building. Whether you are directly affected by betrayal or supporting someone through their journey, this episode serves as a crucial resource for understanding the nuanced healing process and the potential for forging stronger bonds in the wake of adversity.
Tune in to find out how to navigate the nuances of trust after betrayal and learn if there's a light at the end of this tunnel.Looking for the link to the Trust Quiz mentioned in this week's episode - Here it is, enjoy!
Have any questions or suggestions for a future episode? Perhaps you think you would be a great guest ... contact me directly at

Wednesday Nov 01, 2023

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to safeguard your partnership, this episode offers invaluable insights tailored to your emotional makeup. Learn how to navigate recovery based on your attachment style and even how to prevent infidelity through self-awareness and targeted emotional strategies. Tune in for expert advice on creating a more secure, resilient relationship. Don't miss this essential guide to understanding the psychology of infidelity through the lens of attachment theory.
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke
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Wednesday Nov 01, 2023

Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding.
Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal.
Whether you're struggling with the aftermath of an affair or searching for a deeper understanding of the complexities involved, the episodes dig deep into topics like 'The Cheater's Mindset,' 'The Role of Self-Awareness,' and even the controversial question—Can infidelity strengthen a relationship?
From attachment theory to societal pressures, from emotional fallout to empowered healing - each episode is a stepping stone on your journey toward recovery or enlightenment.
Don't miss the deep dives, expert interviews, and invaluable insights that have helped thousands to heal, understand, and thrive.
Subscribe now and hit that notification bell to become a part of this rapidly growing community of survivors, healers, and seekers.
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke

Wednesday Oct 25, 2023

In this episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I sit down with guest Yasmin Majid as she shares her powerful story of love, resilience, and personal growth. Yasmin discusses her experience navigating a multicultural upbringing, her marriage of 23 years, and the unexpected revelations that led to its end. She opens up about the lessons she learned from her divorce, her journey of healing from domestic abuse, and her pursuit of self-improvement. Join Luke and Yasmin as they delve into the importance of unconditional love, understanding, and reframing setbacks as opportunities for personal transformation.Find Yasmin at
Contact her directly: Learn more about working with me at
Learn your Trust score now at


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