After the Affair

150. Trigger Warning: What To Do When Everything Sets You Off After Infidelity

Triggers after betrayal can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to control. But what if they’re not signs that you’re broken, but signals from your nervous system that you still need safety, care, and attention? In this episode, we break down what a trigger actually is (spoiler: it’s not drama), how it works, and why you don’t need to be trigger-free to be healing. Whether you're rebuilding with your partner or learning to trust yourself again, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and practical steps for staying grounded, even when your body’s screaming otherwise.
Key Points / Takeaways:
A trigger isn’t weakness, it’s your body remembering pain and asking: “Are we safe yet?”
The spiral happens not from the trigger itself, but from the story we tell ourselves after.
You can feel a trigger without obeying the fear it brings.
Triggers soften when you respond with awareness, not avoidance.
Practical steps: Pause. Name it. Locate it in the body. Choose a response that honours you.
Healing isn’t about eliminating every trigger, it’s about learning to meet them with gentleness and self-trust.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

149. When the Woman Cheats: and the Man Is Left Holding the Pieces

When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” “man up,” or “take it on the chin.”
This episode is for him.
If you’ve been betrayed by the woman you trusted, if you’re left wrestling with confusion, anger, self-doubt, or shame, this episode gives you language, perspective, and grounding.
Join me Luke Shillings, as together I'll guide you to learn:
Why her betrayal says more about her pain than your worth.
How to stop internalising someone else’s chaos as your reflection.
The difference between being chosen… and being used.
Why “being strong” isn’t the answer, and what real strength actually looks like.
Let this be the reminder:
You’re not weak for feeling.
You’re not broken for hurting.
And you’re not alone in this.
🔑 Key Takeaways
Her affair is not evidence of your inadequacy; it’s a reflection of her disconnection.
You are not the exception to her behaviour. You’re the next person exposed to it.
If you weren’t chosen, it doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy; it means she wasn’t ready to face herself.
Real healing centres your story, not just hers.
Choosing to feel and process is not weakness; it’s maturity.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

148. He Chose You… in Secret: What It Really Means When a Married Man Pursues You

When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But what if that spark isn’t about love, but escape?
In this episode, Luke Shillings speaks directly to the women caught in the shadow of secrecy and fantasy bonds, and to the men who pursue them.
Is it real love, or emotional outsourcing? Together, we unpack the truth behind the pursuit, the pain of being the “exception,” and the cost of ignoring your gut. If you’ve ever found yourself waiting in the wings for someone who says they’ll choose you “someday,” this is your invitation to pause, reflect, and reclaim your worth.
Key Takeaways
Being pursued isn't the same as being chosen, and being chosen isn’t the same as being claimed.
You may be fulfilling a function, not being fully embraced for who you are.
If he’s still lying to someone else, he’s not choosing you, he’s choosing to avoid himself.
Emotional fantasy feels like love but often conceals indecision and avoidance.
Intuition is not insecurity; it’s your inner truth trying to protect you.
Reflect & Share
Have you ever felt emotionally consumed by someone who wasn’t fully available? What was your breaking point, or are you still holding on to hope? Come share your story or reflections with us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke or join the conversation in the After the Affair Facebook community.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

147. When Things Feel Off: Trusting Your Gut After Betrayal

You’ve rebuilt. Or maybe you’ve started again. On the surface, things seem okay, your partner’s doing the work, or your new relationship looks healthy. And yet… something still feels off. Not wrong exactly, just off.
In this episode, we explore that subtle unease that often lingers after betrayal, the one that can leave you second-guessing your instincts, your partner, and even yourself. You’ll learn why your body might be picking up on cues your brain hasn’t named yet, and how to tell the difference between fear-based reactions and genuine gut wisdom.
🔑 Key Takeaways:
Feeling “off” doesn’t always mean something’s wrong, but it always deserves your attention.
After betrayal, it’s normal to feel unsettled even when things look fine on the surface.
You don’t need proof to honour your discomfort. Your body is valid evidence.
Questions like “Am I responding to now, or to the past?” can help you untangle intuition from trauma.
Sensitivity isn’t a flaw. It’s an invitation to deepen your self-trust.
Have you ever felt something was off, even when everything looked okay? Tune in and learn how to explore that feeling without spiraling into fear. 🎧
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

146. Infidelity Recovery Expert Q&A: The Questions You’re Too Tired to Keep Asking

When you’re in the thick of healing after betrayal, it’s not just the pain that drains you. it’s the unanswered questions that loop endlessly in your mind.
In this Q&A episode, I respond to four of the most emotionally exhausting questions I hear in my coaching work and online communities. These aren’t the questions people ask once, they’re the ones they ask over and over, quietly, in their own head.
We’re covering:
How to rebuild trust when you don’t even trust yourself anymore
What to do when your partner says they’ve changed but it doesn’t feel different
Why you still feel stuck in pain even after intellectually “moving on”
Whether you can ever stop fearing they’ll betray you again if you don’t have the whole truth
If you’ve been silently carrying these questions… this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways
Self-trust isn’t about always being right, it’s about how you respond to being wrong.
Real change isn’t in the words your partner says; it’s in the emotional safety you feel.
Healing is not an intellectual achievement, it’s a felt experience.
Needing every detail for closure might offer control, but it often delays peace.
What question has been looping in your mind during recovery? Send me a message or email and let me know. And if this episode resonated, share it with someone who might need to hear it too.
Resources Mentioned
Want deeper support in your recovery? Join the Chaos to Clarity group coaching program or reach out for 1:1 coaching - visit lifecoachluke.com for more information
Email me the word “boundary144” to luke@lifecoachluke.com to receive my free Boundaries Blueprint.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

145. Hoping They’ll Change? Here’s the Truth About One-Sided Love.

You’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’t just patience… it’s one-sided love.
In this episode, we unpack the emotional and psychological toll of loving someone who doesn’t meet you halfway. From fantasy bonds and false hope to reclaiming your power and choosing yourself again, this is your compassionate wake-up call, and your invitation to let go with grace.
Key Takeaways
One-sided love often begins as hope… and ends in emotional burnout.
Fantasy and denial aren’t love, they’re survival strategies.
False hope disguises itself as devotion, but it drains your energy and delays your healing.
Letting go doesn’t mean your love was wasted; it means it’s time to give that love somewhere it can grow.
Inner stability comes when your peace no longer depends on someone else’s attention.
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a one-sided love story?
What helped you let go, or what’s holding you back? Come share your story with us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke or in the Facebook group.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

144. You Crossed the Line, Now Here’s Mine: Boundaries After Betrayal

After betrayal, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck reacting, trying to manage your partner’s behaviour, walking on eggshells, or questioning your own emotional limits.
But here’s the truth:
You don’t need their permission to protect your peace.
In this episode, we unpack what real boundaries look like in the aftermath of infidelity, not as walls or punishments, but as powerful acts of self-respect. You’ll learn:
Why boundaries aren’t about control, but clarity
The difference between emotional avoidance and self-protection
When to share a boundary out loud, and when to keep it for yourself
How boundaries give you back your agency after betrayal
Whether you’re in the thick of rebuilding or figuring out what you want next, this episode is your reminder that your healing is not negotiable.
🔑 Key Takeaways
Boundaries are not ultimatums; they’re commitments to yourself.
You don’t have to share every boundary to honour it.
Clear boundaries regulate your nervous system and help you respond, not react.
Saying “no” to more pain is not cold. It’s a sign of healing.
Your value isn’t proven through tolerance; it’s affirmed through self-respect.
📩 Want the Boundaries Blueprint?
If you’re ready to start setting boundaries but don’t know where to begin, I’ve created a free resource just for you.
It’s called the Boundaries Blueprint, and it includes 30+ examples of real-life boundaries tailored for the infidelity recovery journey, plus guidance to help you craft your own.
👉 Email luke@lifecoachluke.com with the word boundary144 and I’ll send it straight to your inbox.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

143. From Rock Bottom to Rising Strong: Hope on the Infidelity Recovery Journey

After betrayal, it’s easy to believe that your best days are behind you. That the pain you’re in now will always be part of you. But what if this isn’t the end of your story? What if it’s the beginning of something deeper, truer, and more aligned with who you really are?
In this uplifting episode, I share the often untold truth about healing from infidelity: that it doesn’t just break you, it can build you. From rock bottom, we talk about what it means to rise strong. You’ll hear how emotional resilience, self-trust, and clarity can grow not in spite of the betrayal, but because of how you move through it.
Whether you’re still in the thick of it or slowly finding your footing, this episode is your reminder: you are not broken. You’re becoming.
Key Takeaways
Rock bottom is a foundation. It’s not the end of your story, but the start of intentional rebuilding.
Post-traumatic growth is real. Betrayal can lead to deeper resilience, clarity, and self-trust.
You don’t have to choose the betrayal to reclaim the power of choice. Your response is where your strength lives.
Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about becoming more fully you.
You’re allowed to want more than survival. Joy, connection, and meaning are still available to you.
Reflect on this: What’s one positive shift, however small, you’ve noticed in yourself since the betrayal? Let that be your thread of hope.
I’d love to hear your story. Come share your reflections with me on Instagram or in the Facebook group. You’re not alone on this path.
If this episode resonated, take a moment to rate, review, or share it with someone who might need a reminder that healing is possible.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

142. Disgust, Shame, and Survival: The Psychology Behind Post-Affair Revulsion

Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can dissolve.
In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood trauma responses after infidelity: disgust. Why it shows up. What it’s really saying. And how to respond to it without shame.
This is for anyone who’s ever recoiled at the sight or touch of the person they used to love, and then judged themselves for it.
💡 Key Takeaways:
Disgust is a protective trauma response, not a moral failing.
It often stems from your nervous system flagging something as unsafe, not from conscious thought.
Shame often follows disgust, creating an inner loop of silence, self-blame, and confusion.
Healing starts by validating your body’s response, not forcing it to move faster than it’s ready.
Safety, not guilt, is the antidote to disgust
If this episode resonated with you, join the Chaos to Clarity group coaching program, a supportive space where your healing isn’t rushed, your voice is heard, and your nervous system is finally allowed to feel safe again.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

141. I Know Why They Cheated - It Still Hurts Though

Understanding why someone betrayed you can be helpful. It can explain what happened. It can offer context. It can even soften the sting, temporarily.
But it doesn’t erase the pain.
In this episode, we unpack the emotional tug-of-war between empathy and accountability after infidelity. We explore how understanding your partner’s internal struggles, their fears, avoidance, or disconnection doesn’t mean you're condoning their choices. It simply means you're starting to see the full picture.
You’ll learn how empathy and boundaries can exist side-by-side, and why making sense of the betrayal is only one part of the healing process.
Key Takeaways
Empathy does not equal agreement, you can understand your partner without excusing their behaviour.
Betrayal often stems from fear or disconnection, not just desire or malice.
The pain doesn’t vanish just because you understand “why” it happened, and that pain still matters.
You can hold compassion and boundaries at the same time.
Real healing comes when you stop trying to make it all make sense, and start learning how to sit with what is
Have you struggled with the tension between understanding and hurt? Leave us a review or share this episode with someone who’s trying to make sense of their own betrayal story.
🗣️ And if you want guided support navigating that emotional minefield, join the waitlist for our Chaos to Clarity group coaching program — doors are opening soon.
Connect with Luke:
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity