After the Affair

77. The Intricate Dance Between People Pleasing and Infidelity

Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode shines a light on the intensified patterns of self-doubt and narrative crafting that emerge when infidelity shatters the relationship, challenging you to reflect on the authenticity of your actions in the quest for healing.
I carefully unpack the complexities of responding to betrayal, highlighting the risk of losing oneself in the desperate attempt to 'fix' the relationship or to become what we perceive as 'enough' to prevent future indiscretions. Through examples, I illustrate how individuals might misinterpret their partner's actions and attribute them to personal flaws, thereby overlooking the multifaceted reasons behind infidelity.
Offering an alternative perspective, I encourage you to differentiate between genuine healing actions and those driven by a need for approval. This episode is a call to embrace our vulnerabilities, confront the reality of our situations, and ultimately, find a path to healing that honours our self-worth and authenticity. Join me in "After the Affair" for an insightful exploration of self-discovery, forgiveness, and the journey towards rebuilding after betrayal.Want to work with me? visit www.lifecoachluke.com
Join the mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

76. Addicted to an Affair with David Essel

Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy before embarking on new connections, and the importance of self-love and inner peace as the foundation for partnership. Uncover the detrimental effects of labeling in relationships and learn from David's personal journey of breaking societal expectations. Experience a candid discussion on the complexities of infidelity, betrayal, and the transformative power of forgiveness and open communication. David's advice on intimacy in long-term relationships and combating addiction with conversation offers invaluable insights for anyone seeking to improve their love life. Discover how understanding your partner's love language can prevent dissatisfaction and infidelity. Reflect on David's diverse background in sports psychology, mental health, and his struggles that propelled him to success. Draw inspiration from David’s and Luke's exploration of introversion, overstimulation in society, and the impact of extreme media voices on our lives. Don't miss this episode full of strategies for triumphing over adversity, rekindling passion, and embracing honesty in relationships. Visit our website for free resources and special offerings as mentioned by David Essel in this must-listen episode of 'After the Affair'.Learn more about David: www.davidessel.com or find him on Instagram @david_essel
To learn more about working with me, check out www.lifecoachluke.com and be sure to subscribe to the After the Affair mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 
 

75. 8 Steps to Healing part 2: Rebuilding and Renewal

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing journey, where we begin to reconstruct our lives and visions for the future.
Step 5: Rebuilding Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. In this step, we delve into the intricate process of rebuilding trust, highlighting strategies for fostering a sense of security and reliability in our relationships and within ourselves.
Step 6: Vision With a foundation of trust in place, we turn our gaze forward, crafting a vision for our lives post-betrayal. This step is about dreaming again, setting goals, and aligning our future with our deepest values and desires.
Step 7: Connection Healing is not a journey to be walked alone. In this step, I emphasise the importance of connection—building and nurturing supportive relationships that uplift and sustain us through our healing process.
Step 8: Celebration Every step forward on this journey is a victory, and in this final step, we learn the importance of celebrating our progress. Recognising and honouring our achievements, no matter how small, fuels our continued growth and resilience.
This episode is not just a continuation but a deepening of your commitment to healing and growth. Whether you're rebuilding a relationship, forging new ones, or discovering a renewed sense of self, these steps offer a guide toward a future filled with hope, purpose, and joy.
If you're ready to take these next steps on your healing journey, join me as we explore the paths of rebuilding, envisioning, connecting, and celebrating the life you deserve.
Work with Luke: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

74. 8 Steps to Healing part 1: Laying the Foundations

In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately, empowerment.
Clarity: Uncover the importance of seeing through the fog of emotional turmoil to understand the reality of your situation and what truly matters to you.
Belief: Learn how to rebuild your shattered self-esteem and confidence, affirming your worth and cultivating a belief in a brighter future.
Forgiveness: Explore the complex journey towards forgiving yourself and, potentially, your partner, understanding that forgiveness is a crucial step towards personal peace.
Growth: Discover how the painful experience of infidelity can be a catalyst for significant personal growth, offering insights into yourself and your relationships.
Join me as I not only draw from my professional expertise but also open up about my own journey and the wisdom I've gained along the way. I aim to offer a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone seeking to heal and grow from the pain of betrayal.Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com
Subscribe here: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
 

73. The Empathy Challenge: Conflict After Infidelity

In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings.
He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding.
With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to misunderstandings in our closest relationships.
Drawing on personal anecdotes and a down-to-earth approach, he challenges listeners to adopt an "empathy-first" mindset, offering practical tips for turning everyday disagreements into opportunities for deeper connection.
Whether you're navigating the complexities of infidelity recovery or simply seeking to strengthen your bonds, this episode is a heartfelt invitation to view conflicts through a new lens.
Join Luke on this journey of healing and discovery, and take the first step towards transforming your relationships one empathetic conversation at a time.
Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Keep up to date: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 
 

72. How to Get Over Your Ex: With Breakup Coach Dorothy

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity.
Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward.
We delve into the complexities of betrayal, understanding the identity change experienced and the challenging concepts of desire and attachment in the aftermath of infidelity. 
Whether you're in the midst of navigating your own path to recovery or seeking to support someone who is, this episode offers a beacon of hope and a roadmap for reclaiming one's strength and sense of self.
Learn more about Dorothy:
5 day how to get over your ex training! (Feb 12-15): https://dorothyabjohnson.com/5daylivetraining
Instagram: @breakupcoachdorothyTikTok: Breakup Coach DorothyThe How to Get Over Your Ex podcast: https://dorothyabjohnson.com/howtogetoveryourexpodcast/
Learn more about me:
Instagram: @mylifecoachluke
TikTok: @mylifecoachluke
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
 
 

71. Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile Without It?

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity.
Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential component for true reconciliation or if it's possible to find peace and understanding without it.
Join me as we examine the nuances of rebuilding trust, the personal nature of forgiveness, and the various paths to healing and renewal post-betrayal.
Whether you're navigating your own recovery process or supporting someone through theirs, this episode offers valuable perspectives on forgiveness, acceptance, and the transformative power of personal growth.
Tune in to "Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile Without It?" for a deep dive into the heart of recovery and the potential for renewal in the wake of pain. Discover actionable insights and compassionate guidance for anyone seeking clarity and strength on their journey towards healing.
Learn more: www.lifecoachluke.com
Reach out to luke@lifecoachluke.com
Subscribe for more at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe
 

70. The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?

In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships.
Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the principles of physics can shed light on why disagreements often escalate and how understanding this can pave the way for more constructive communication and conflict resolution.
Drawing on my personal experiences and professional insights, I discuss how the 'push and pull' in heated arguments mirrors Newton's famous law, leading to a stalemate rather than progress.
This episode is not just about relationship advice; it's a deep dive into human psychology and behaviour. I also touch upon the idea that relationships are fundamentally about one's thoughts about another person, adding a unique angle to the discussion.
Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity, looking to improve your relationship dynamics, or simply intrigued by the intersection of physics and human relationships, this episode offers valuable perspectives. Join me as I guide you through these complex dynamics with insightful tips, out-of-the-box thinking, and practical advice for healing and personal growth.
Website: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com
 

69. Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley

Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity.
I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a betrayal. It's not just about getting back in the saddle; it's about enjoying the ride and finding deeper connections along the way.
In "Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley," we address the challenges and triumphs couples face in their journey towards sexual healing. Discover practical advice, psychological insights, and compassionate strategies to navigate the delicate balance between emotional healing and physical intimacy.
Lee-ann brings her extensive knowledge in sexual psychology, providing listeners with a unique perspective on how to regain trust, foster emotional intimacy, and reignite passion in the bedroom. This episode is not just about the act of sex, but about understanding the deep emotional undercurrents that influence physical connections after an affair.
Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance or simply interested in the dynamics of relationships and sexuality, this episode offers valuable lessons in love, trust, and the art of intimate communication.
Listen now to transform your understanding of intimacy and empower your journey towards a fulfilling sexual relationship after infidelity.
Connect with Lee-ann:Website: www.leeanncordingley.co.uk/
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/leeanncordingley
Instagram: www.instagram.com/leeanncordingley
Threads: www.threads.net/@leeanncordingley
TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@leeanncordingley
 
Connect with me:
 
Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact me directly at: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Follow me on the gram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke
 
 
 
 

68. Reward or Punishment: Rewriting Our Reward System After an Affair

Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast.
Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for rewards and aversion to discomfort.
Discover why betrayal feels so intensely painful and learn how this relates to the fundamental workings of our brain's reward system, as previously discussed in the episode on The Motivational Triad. I aim to provide insightful analysis and empathetic understanding, making complex psychological concepts accessible and relevant to everyday experiences.
The discussion then transitions into practical, actionable strategies for healing and rebuilding trust post-betrayal. Learn how to reorient your reward system, find internal sources of validation, and embrace new pathways to joy and fulfillment.
The After the Affair podcast continues to offer supportive tips, innovative perspectives, and effective concepts for navigating the emotional terrain of infidelity recovery. Whether you're dealing with the aftermath of betrayal or simply interested in the psychological aspects of trust and reward, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to begin your journey towards empowerment and healing in the wake of betrayal.
 
Find out more here: www.lifecoachluke.com
Contact Luke directly here: luke@lifecoachluke.com
Join the After the Affair mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe